help with raising self esteem for a 3 year old black child

help with raising self esteem for a 3 year old black child

by: debbie clarke - 24-02-10 12:04

We have a child who attends the setting who is the only black child in her room,but not the nursery,  she attends a second provider where she is the only black child in the whole of the nursery. The problem is that she is showing low self esteem and it all links back to her skin colour and hair. The only black people she comes into contact with are Mum and Nan who both have white partners. Despite being told she is beautiful she point blank refuses to accept it. she constantly asks if people are black or white and doesn't understand the difference. She questions why her hair doesn't grow. She is a huge HSM fan and that Chad was her boyfriend (she is only 3!) but now doesn't because she doesn't want a boyfriend who is different. She is constatantly talking about long straight hair. We have some books, posters, small world etc but any help would be gratefully recieved.

by: kimme

Hi Debbie,

I'm only replying to this because I'm surprised nobody else has.

I'm in a rural area so my experience of ethnic minorities is somewhat limited.  Similar to your situation in that when they do come to our settings they tend to be the only ones.

I have never come across a child experiencing these types of problems but from what you say this does seem to be very debilitating for the child at the moment.  So it's great that you want to help rather than just hope she'll get over it.  Are there any outside agencies you can contact for advice and support? Maybe an ethnic minority group - there should be one I imagine in your nearest city!?!  Have you talked to the girls family about this.  I know you would have to approach it sensitively but I'm sure it would give you a lot of insight to the situation. 

There is also a campaign at the moment isn't there?! Stamping out racism with tiny feet.  Maybe you could find out some info from them too.

Sorry to not be able to offer any direct advice but good luck......

by: Liz Roberts

Hi Debbie

Lots of good advice in Nursery World's series on equality and diversity. This is the one on race and ethnicity

http://nurseryworld.co.uk/news/979775/Equality-Diversity-Part-5---Race-ethnicity/

(If you are a subscriber you can read the whole article, or if not, you can have a 14-day trial of full access to the website and the magazine - see home page button)

Liz 

by: nikki2407

Hello,

I read about your dilemma today in the magazine.  I would support Kimmee's view and hava a chat with the mum amd dad about this.  It's actually really disturbing that this child feels like this and you can have lots of positive images about the setting, but it appears like this feeling she has about herself has become internalised. 

It certainly seems that children are making inferences about colour from quite an early age and the approach that practitioners make can have long lasting effects.  There is someting on the DCSF website about educational achievement in black male children and self esteem.  You may also think that some info on PSED is needed.  Can you attend a cluster group meeting (if they  have them in your area) to chat with other practitioners and see of you can get some advice?

Lots of luck and I hope that you can support this little girl, she is lucky to have you as her key person.

Nikki x

by: Zoe Smith

Hello,

You can talk to the child's parents but you could also promote her self image in your setting. You could put pictures up of different coloured children and also have dolls of different races. You could also do activities to boost her self-esteem such as getting her to look in a mirror then paint/draw a portrait of herself.

If none of this works, you may need to seek further advice.

Good luck x

by: Hils

Zoe.....coloured children??? You mean green/blue/red?? Or do you mean children from a range of ethnic backgrounds? Good practice says this should be there already to promote inclusion.

by: kimme

Hi Debbie,

Just wondering how you and "your" little girl are getting on?  Would love to have an update.......

RE: RE: help with raising self esteem for a 3 year old black child - 12-04-10 21:10

by: sparkie

Hi Kimme

Thanks for your interest in our little girl. All of the advice given on the forum we were already doing in one form or another. I have to say articles in Nursery World were very sterotypical and not particularly helpful (sorry) actually looked through a nursery world and out of 50 odd pictures of children/families and only found a couple that showed children from different backgrounds and can't say they were positive. It highlighted to me why this child would feel like she does, and how careful we need to be. On a positive point we have arranged for her and her family to attend sessions through the local authority. They will be attending a family conference to discuss what needs to change for the child and then she will be doing some one to one work on her self esteem. not sure that it is just her ethnicity but goes deeper. Watch this space. Thanks everyone who tried to help.

by: stormgirl

The use of resources such as stories that have people from a range of backgrounds (Ideally the same as the little girl if possible) in positive roles. I.e The hero of the story, a Dr, teacher whatever...

Also focus on boosting her self confidence in other ways unrelated to her background. Ways in which she can know she is the "same" as others. Extra recognition for being a really great listener, or getting to be the leader at carpet time because she was really kind to her friends. If she feels she really fits in and is appreciated in this way, it makes it easier to believe the efforts to appreciate her differences.

Group activties like drawing a self portrait while looking in the mirror could be a good way to emphasis that we all have some of the same features, and some of us have differences. We all have two eyes, but not everyone will have blue eyes.  Some people will be taller. Some people can roll their tongue. When the children in the group (including your little girl) hear that we ALL have some differences, and some similarities it should help.

by: Tallulah

How about a visitor to the setting from the same cultural background who would be a suitable role model - someone with a particular skill or ability that they could talk about. Maybe the real issue goes deeper than the skin and hair preoccupation -  but the one- to -one should help identify if this is the case. It is very hard for children to accept being different from their peers - avoid overstating the problem as this will reinforce it in her mind -  I have seen children taken out of pre-school when they realise that they can get extra attention from their parents/adults for problems like this and they end up loosing out. (not that I can say if she is of course). It just helps to emphasise the positive I think.